Captenne Badasse

Landlocked pirate with a heart of coal

Captenne Badasse is a so-called feminist pirate who is somewhere between chaotic neutral and chaotic evil. She has a friend named Dudley whom she calls Dudely. How he tolerates her is a matter of mysticism, or perhaps just a combination of fascination and low self-esteem. She won the lottery at one point and owns a mansion in the middle of the city surrounded by a moat. This character was created in 2009 and is more or less out of commission at this point, as white collar labour has broken my creativity and consumes way too much of my time to build it back up in my off hours.

There is a separate page for a special series called Captenne Badasse Goes to the Movies.

There are many, many more of these drawings that I will be adding as I please, so feel free to come back!

a faintly sketched background of shelves filled with merchandise, and a bin in front of them with a large squid-shaped item and Captenne Badasse, a woman in a long coat with long dark curly hair and a tricorn hat, sitting on top of the bin pulling at the squid and saying 'DEATH TO YOU, INK-FILLED SEA BEAST!' The PA in the top left corner is saying 'SECURITY TO GIFT SHOP, SECURITY TO GIFT SHOP'

Captenne, with long curly dark hair, in a white fencing uniform with the mask on her head, holding an epee in her right hand positioned downward at her side, and a gun in her left hand being held up at the sky. There is a body in a white fencing uniform lying on the ground with a bullet hole wound in the middle of the torso. Captenne is faced to the left and shouting 'So I'm not allowed to stab OR shoot my opponent? Some sport you have here, Fencey McGee.' There is a speech caption on the left saying 'Just put the gun down!'

Three small children from the back at a door saying 'TRICK OR TREAT!' Captenne Badasse opens the door and looks at all three of them then points at one on the right and says 'YOU! You thought you could trick me with a new disguise this year, did you Blondbeard? You thought I wouldn't see through your clown façade!' The next frame is a closeup of the kids (Frankenstein, Dracula, and a clown) running away screaming and crying as Captenne is in the distance chasing them while holding a knife.

Frame 1: Dudely standing on the outer side of the moat in front of Captenne's house saying 'Hey, put the draw bridge down so I can come in.' Captenne is leaning out a window saying 'Sorry, the draw bridge operator is, uh, off for the day. He went home, uh, injured due to a, uh, shortcoming in his workplace uniform.' Frame 2: Dudely: 'Okay, I...really don't want anymore details. How can I get in?' Captenne: 'Just walk across the moat. It's not that deep.' Frame 3: Dudely:'Then what's the purpose of having it?' Captenne:'To fend off zombies. They don't have soles.' Frame 4: Dudely: 'I don't see how that works. I know Jesus could walk on water, but just because the undead lack unique spiritual essences...' Captenne: No, I mean soles, like the bottoms of their feet. If they step on any wet, malleable surface their bodies fill with water and they blend in with the soil. Look.' Frames 5, 6, 7, and 8: a zombie walking towards the moat saying 'Brrraaaiiins' while stepping into the moat and eventually falling into the water. Frame 9: Dudely rolling up his pant legs saying 'Alright, but I'm rolling up my pants so they don't get wet and muddy.'

Frame 1: Captenne showing Dudely an aquarium with fish, a sandcastle, a conch shell, and a human skeleton. Captenne: 'Hey, check this out - I got a giant aquarium.' Dudely: 'Ooh, bringing the seas to a land locked city. That fake skeleton is a nice touch.' Frame 2: same scene closer up. Captenne: 'Fake skeleton? Oh shit, taht guy was supposed to feed them for a week!' Dudely: 'Oh dear. Well, if the cops ask, I don't know you, but in my fish-owning experience if you let them starve for a while they'll still be okay. Just...don't go after my family, please.'

a large cruise ship called the S.S. Glory Hole with Captenne leaning over the rails of the deck, with her curly dark hair hanging down and covering her face, vomiting over the side. Dudely is saying 'Ah, now I finally know why you're a land-locked pirate.'

Frame one: Captenne kneeling at the bottom of a chair rubbing someone else's foot while muttering gibberish. Frame two: zoomed out, Captenne is rubbing the foot of a monkey sitting in the chair. Dudely walks in and says 'Uhh, why are you giving a foot massage to a monkey?' Frame three: the monkey has a huge smile on his face. Captenne: 'He won a bet.' Dudely: 'I see...'

Frame one: Captenne is lying on an examination table with no pants on and her legs propped up. She has a thought bubble that starts with 'stupid pap test' but the writing gets too messy to be legible (sorry!). A doctor is sitting on a chair giving the pap test and says: 'Uhh...I seem to have found a small bag of gold coins lodged in your vagina...' Frame two: Captenne with a threatening look on her face: 'Well put it back where you found it! And remember, doctor-patient confidentiality!'

Frame one: Dudely walks up to Captenne at a table with a beaker and flask in front of her. Dudely: 'Whatcha doing?' Captenne: 'Scientific experiment.' Frame 2: Dudely is slouching over a bit with a worried look on his face: 'Why do I suddenly feel sterile?' Captenne is holding a paper out towards Dudely while still looking at her experiment: 'Sign this waiver.'

Frame one: in an office with a poster on the wall saying 'Accountants: they're better than you' and a picture of a man's face. The same man is sitting at a desk accross from Captenne. Frame one: Accountant: 'From all your investments, income, and plundering, you owe $36,250 in taxes.' Frame two: the accountant leands back with his arms behind his head: 'Or, as an alternative, your first born child. Teehee.' Captenne is leaning over the side of her chair reaching down out of frame: 'Then I'm glad I came here prepared.' Frame three: There is a baby wrapped in a blanket on the accountant's desk saying 'googoo gaga' as the accountant stares in shock. The very back end of Captenne is at the right edge of the panel, walking away.

Frame one: Dudely is looking down at a leprechaun standing next to Captenne: 'What's this, your leprechaun first mate?' Captenne: 'Nah, he's just a buddy of mine I'm buying lunch for after stabbing him in teh eye on St. Patrick's Day.' Frame 2: Dudely, now looking at Captenne: 'You poked out his eye and all he wants is lunch?' Captenne: 'He says it will help him with his summer business of selling drugs to kids at camp.' Leprechaun, looking up at Dudely: 'Nobody can say no to the poor boy with a glass eye.' Frame 3: a closeup of the leprechaun's face (typical hat with a four leaf clover, beard, bowtie, but with an eyepatch) as he holds up a beer with sloppy handwritten serif text saying 'Happy St. Patrick's Day!'

Captenne in a wheeled canoe, moving it by paddling against the road, parking perpendicular to the curb. A parking officer approaches her and says 'Yeah, before you put your money in, I'll have to stop you right there.' The next frame is the officer's head on a pike in a window.

Captenne Badasse and the Hobo Goose Picnic featuring Chairlift Johnson and Playstructure Phil. Captenne sitting in the middle on a plaid picnic blanket, an elderly man in a chairlift on the left, a Canada goose with a beat-up hat and stubble on the left, and a hobo-looking man on the right reaching down from a bumpy slide to grab food from the picnic basket.

Captenne throwing a curling rock with a lit stick of dynamite as a handle, with Dudely standing on the side with a curling broom saying 'I don't think I want to sweep for that'